Episode 10: Accountability

[00:00:00] Welcome to a land of a lack of accountability. Every step you take, everywhere you look, you see it is right in front of you. You even play a part in it. You surround yourself with it every day. You're in the circle, lack of accountability.

[00:00:15] You're a vitamin, lack of accountability. Social media, lack of accountability. Television, lack of accountability. It's a plague. It's everywhere. But where does that stem from? When does this behavior start? And how do we get to a place where we do know how to hold ourselves accountable?

[00:00:33] Let's get into that. Oh, and I forgot to say, for those out there that are allergic to real talk and don't want to be held accountable for your actions, you might want to sit this one out.

[00:01:20] What's goodie, what's goodie? I'm your host J-Smoove, and welcome to the Life Unexamined Is Not Worth Living. And we are on Episode 10, Accountability. Now, before I get started, you all can find me on Spotify and Apple. And there, only y'all can follow and subscribe to my podcast.

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[00:02:38] Alright, so let's get back to business. So now we're going to go to Marion Webster's for the definition of accountability. The quality or state of being accountable, an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one's actions. Sounds simple enough, right? It is simple. In theory.

[00:02:58] But in reality, this is something that plagued so many of us. And it's crazy. The amount of people that I see that struggle with holding themselves accountable is mind-blowing. It really is mind-blowing. So let me give a quick little breakdown of what a lack of accountability is.

[00:03:16] And I'm going to expound upon this as the episode goes on. When we make decisions in our lives that lead to poor results, and we have every excuse, reason in the book as to why we did it, but refuse to take accountability for it,

[00:03:28] it is always the fault of an outside influence. Yeah, I know what I'm talking about. And for those that are listening right now, this may actually be you. So I'm here today to not only help those that may struggle with this type of behavior,

[00:03:40] but also show how this behavior can affect so many different aspects of our lives. So when is the first time that we encounter a lack of accountability? I would have to say it's when we're children, because not holding yourself accountable for your actions is childlike behavior.

[00:03:57] So let's use an example of two little brothers, Greg and Drew. So they're arguing and bickering with each other. And Greg says to Drew, Man, get out my face. Your breasts stink. So then Drew says, I know you're not talking. Your breath smelled crazy. And you're stupid.

[00:04:11] That's a horrible combination, man. So Greg looks at Drew and he says, What did you just say to me? And Drew says, you heard what I said. So Greg punches him in the face. So Drew starts crying. Why you punch me in my face? Why you do that?

[00:04:29] Right. So then the mother comes in. She busts through the door and she says, What's going on in here? Why is Drew crying? So Drew says to the mother, Greg punched me in my face. I don't even know why he hit me in my face.

[00:04:41] He didn't have to do that. So the mother says, Greg, why you punch your brother, Drew in the face? And Greg says, Because he said my breath stink and he said that I'm stupid. He was talking crazy to me and I don't like that.

[00:04:55] So I punched him in the face. It was his fault. He shouldn't have said that to me. He triggered me. He got me upset. So I punched him in the face, man. It wasn't my fault at all. It was all Drew.

[00:05:07] He shouldn't have talked to me like that. He knows that I get upset and he knows that I could react like that sometimes. So that was his fault. So the mother says, Greg, you didn't have to punch him in his face though.

[00:05:18] And y'all were going back and forth, right? Isn't that what y'all were doing? So Drew says, Yes, ma, that's right. We both was going back and forth and saying stuff about each other. It wasn't just me. Greg was doing that too. And Greg says,

[00:05:30] Yeah, I was saying stuff to him, but it was only because he said something to me. That's why I did it. It was his fault. So the mother says, I'm gonna address both of y'all. Drew, you know how your brother can get. It doesn't make it right,

[00:05:43] but you know how he is. And you know that if you go back and forth and y'all start saying disparaging things to each other, you know where it could lead to. So you do play a part in that as well. So you have to take accountability for that.

[00:05:55] Absolutely. If you want to go back and forth with your brother like that and you know how he can respond to things, then you have to deal with the consequences that may come from that. Now Greg, so you said that you were upset and you were triggered.

[00:06:07] So you punched him in the face. Let me explain something to you. When you used your fists to hit your brother, that was a choice that you made. And you have to own that. It's not your brother's fault that you punched him in the face.

[00:06:20] Yes, I understand that that was a cause, right? There's causation there. You're explaining why you did it. But at the end of the day, you were in control of your own actions. So when you make the decision to punch him in his face, just understand

[00:06:35] that there's repercussions and consequences that come with that. So I'm telling you right now, when you get older and you make decisions, take accountability for it and own it. And whatever comes from it, comes from it, good or bad. So Greg says to his mother,

[00:06:50] yeah, I hear you, my butt. I'm just saying he got to know better not to talk to me like that. So the mother just shakes her head and says, I have to say one last thing to both of you.

[00:07:01] If y'all want to go back and forth with each other and y'all want to joke around with each other, then do that. But once it gets serious and people start getting in their feelings and they become emotional and they get upset,

[00:07:12] then both of you need to look within assess the situation and say to yourself, now this is not worth it. And I know what it's could lead to. So let's not even go there. That's what intelligent people do. That's what mature adults do. And you guys are children

[00:07:27] and it's okay. Y'all are little boys. There's no problem. But I'm teaching y'all this because when you become adults, you're going to have to learn how to problem solve and learn how to take accountability for your actions. So let's stop right there. So this is typical behavior

[00:07:41] that we will see with children. They fight, they bicker, they hit each other. Their brains are not fully developed yet. So they don't fully comprehend how to problem solve effectively, how to make mature decisions that children. Yes, we have expectations that they will continue to grow

[00:07:58] but we know that they're going to continue to indulge in childlike behavior. This is normal. But what if I told you that that childlike behavior continues in your 20s and your 30s and your 40s and your 50s and I can keep going but y'all understand what I'm saying.

[00:08:15] What if I told you that there are many children walking around on this earth in adult bodies? So I use the example of the little brothers bickering with each other for a reason. I want you all to hold on to this example because it's foundational.

[00:08:29] This is going to be used as a foundational piece of understanding what it means to not know how to hold yourself accountable. Our environments might change. The scenarios might change. The reasons why we do what we do might change but ultimately the choice always lies within us.

[00:08:49] Holding ourselves accountable comes from within. Not some outside influence. It's not somebody else's fault. It's on us, period. But I will say that I have empathy for those who come from a certain type of environments. Those who come from dysfunction, abuse, trauma.

[00:09:09] They have to deal with a great deal of loss. I understand all of that. I empathize with that because I personally had to go through some of those things and that also makes me want to touch on something that I was discussing with someone recently

[00:09:21] and we were talking about the crack era and we were just talking about how frack has destroyed a lot of black families, black communities and to this day we're still dealing with the effects of that. It led to a lot of dysfunction within families. It led to

[00:09:40] a lot of children not having fathers, having parents that were on drugs and I don't usually talk about this type of stuff on my podcast like that but I think that it's appropriate for this episode. So many of y'all may notice or maybe you don't

[00:09:57] but there is evidence that shows that the CIA and other agencies of the United States government were responsible for the crack epidemic that destroyed black communities in the 1980s and as this era took place the media was presenting views of the black neighborhoods transformed by crack

[00:10:14] and I mean I was born in 1988 right? I'm young but I'm an old head and actually I don't even know if I can even call myself young anymore because I'm gonna be 40 in a few years so am I young? Probably not.

[00:10:30] But I've always been big on learning about history. I also remember the commercials from back in the day too. Remember the one with the crack egg in a pan and it starts frying and it sizzling and they say this is your brain on drugs

[00:10:42] with that menacing music in the background. Yeah I remember all of that but it was like this coming wave of crack babies and all of that but with all that being said instead of treating the issue as a public health emergency

[00:10:55] which we have today with heroin and opioids you know it's a crisis and the suburbs and other types of communities right? It's such a huge crisis and these people need so much help

[00:11:08] and we have to do everything within our power to give them the assistance that they need but back then for a lot of us that were minorities there wasn't that type of energy at all and instead it was a quote on quote war on drugs and

[00:11:23] they instituted sentencing guidelines that punish users of crack more harshly than they did of users of powder cocaine and pretty much you got 100 times the amount of prison time for crack then you were for the same substance and powder form cocaine this was by design

[00:11:43] so I bring this up to talk about how we were literally targeted to become products of our environment these are just facts and I'm strictly talking about African American history I want to make that clear as well because let's use an example of Europe black history

[00:12:02] is different than black history in America totally different in Europe society has a historical sensibility associated with the African contribution so written languages homes roads schools that comes from Africans like what's talking about the Moors all the things that they brought to Spain and Europe

[00:12:28] that came from them those were Africans they have a history they were rulers now contrary to that is African American history which is pretty much slavery masters slaves not even close to being the same thing whatsoever and there were definitely African Americans that built

[00:12:48] a lot of things that created a lot but that is not what is taught to us and a lot of African Americans they grow up with an inferiority complex and even if you think about the Jim Crow laws the civil rights movement

[00:13:01] and all the progress that was made it quickly turned into cultural assimilation which again I personally believe that was by design yes assimilate fall in line don't know your true history don't learn your true history and I just want to say this real quick

[00:13:19] and then we're going to get right back on topic so the groups of people who rule over us and I'm not talking about the government the government is complicit but I'm talking more about the 1% the ruling class the predator class whatever you want to call them

[00:13:33] that have control over the government media financial institutions etc they're basically creating a problem and then they get all of us to buy into that problem and then they create a solution for the problem that was created by them so even if we go back centuries

[00:13:52] they use word of mouth to convey messages letters then we have radio the newspapers then television and now we have mainstream media all the same crap yo different methods the same types of propaganda the same types of manipulation tactics and the same types of social engineering

[00:14:12] so they put different narratives out there and we consume it and many of us actually do this on our level we create problems right we manipulate people and then we come up with solutions to the problems that we created but those that are ruling over us

[00:14:29] they do it at a much higher level so when you really think about it it's sick and there's a diabolical genius that's involved with this type of mentality but it's not overly intellectual it's not intricate and it doesn't have to be because unfortunately

[00:14:45] it doesn't really take much for us to buy into what is sold to us which leads to us bickering with each other and fighting one another and this tool that they use this philosophy it has a name and it's called the Hegelian dialectic

[00:15:00] and I'm gonna break that down for y'all the Hegelian dialectic is problem reaction solution so the first step which is the thesis is to create a problem the second step antithesis is to generate a reaction or opposition to the problem fair panic and hysteria the third step synthesis

[00:15:22] is to offer the solution to the problem created by step one and that's pretty much what goes on in this world 24 7 and we're just sheep now I might be going a little bit too deep for some of y'all but hopefully I'm not but

[00:15:38] this is the life I'm examined it's not worth living this is what we do I just wanted to get that off and I just wanted to say that because at the end of the day everything that I talk about is still related to that but I digress hahahaha

[00:15:54] so I didn't just talk about the cracker and how minorities were targeted for the purpose of giving an excuse for behavior that goes on today nah that wasn't the point of me doing that I was just giving real history and talking about causation

[00:16:10] but I want to say to my people and minorities out there we're in 2024 where each and every one of us as individuals staying today is ultimately because of us because of our own actions not anyone else and the still things that go on today that hold us back

[00:16:29] that's a fact I'm not denying that but there's still no excuse you understand what I'm saying? stop being influenced and looking at these children and adult bodies outside on TV online who are involved in ignorance and stupidity look within reflect examine and hold yourself accountable

[00:16:51] there's so much information out there and we could do better read study educate yourself and I'm not even talking about going to an institution it doesn't even have to be that but learn your history learn yourself and we have to hold ourselves accountable for our actions

[00:17:09] and when it comes to our environment yeah, I don't care what race you are I don't care what gender you are we're all people at the end of the day and we all are products of our environment but that doesn't have to be the final product

[00:17:25] now I want to move the conversation over to relationships partnerships family friendships I want to talk about how accountability is of utmost importance when we're discussing relationships accountability encouraged you to think about the consequences of your actions

[00:17:44] but see the problem is that we surround ourselves with people who don't hold us accountable at all so we move around and do whatever we want and there are no consequences and then that bleeds into so many different relationships that we have so while it is important that

[00:17:59] we learn how to hold ourselves accountable from within when you double down and surround yourself with those who also don't hold themselves accountable and don't hold you accountable it's chaos our behaviors and actions have an effect on our relationships we influence our friends we influence our partners

[00:18:19] we influence our family whether that's positively or negatively but holding yourself accountable is a healthy piece for a healthy and strong relationship so just think about when you're in a relationship with somebody right and you have a conversation with them and you try to talk to them

[00:18:36] and they're not trying to hear what you have to say they're not really listening because they don't agree with you and you're telling them something about themselves that they may not want to hear and that could be for many reasons and that leads to defense mechanisms

[00:18:50] unless you use an example with somebody who has low self-esteem and they don't want to address the issues that they may have in their lives because it doesn't make them feel good they have to look themselves in the mirror they have to look within

[00:19:02] and that's really difficult for a lot of people so when you're attempting to have a constructive conversation with that person and you want them to acknowledge their hurtful behavior aka accountability there's no progress there's a great deal of deflection that goes on it always leads to

[00:19:20] yeah that was your fault why are you telling me about that? I don't want to hear that stop telling me about myself right there's an arrogance there there's always a reason why someone does what they do and that's valid there are reasons why we do what we do

[00:19:34] but there's no ownership for actions and then let's use another example of someone who has anger issues when they have problems when they're stressed when they feel uncomfortable they lash out with anger so when you're angry when you're emotional for most people

[00:19:52] you're not going to be in the mindset to listen to people to understand others and to create harmony and peace right? you're angry so a lot of times that leads to casualties you could be around people who don't hold you accountable

[00:20:07] or you could be around people who do try to hold you accountable but it never gets anywhere and this type of behavior is related to the example that I gave with the two children when Greg was angry because of what Drew said to him

[00:20:19] and he punched him in the face so again childlike behavior but adults exhibit this as well an adult's brain is fully developed but their reasoning skills are not their actions are not the ability is there but the application is not their children it doesn't change

[00:20:40] and that's why I told you how to keep that first example in the back of Yaman throughout this episode because it all ties together so when you're trying to have adult conversations with what I call them as y'all know children and adult bodies

[00:20:54] it usually turns into a blame game it turns into yo, it's not my fault you got to understand this is why I did it there's a lot of diversion a lot of selfishness and just an overall disconnection from a productive conversation

[00:21:11] okay, so now that we have all this information how do we move past this type of behavior? well we have to build up our self-awareness so I've talked about this on my podcast many a times all of these different subjects that I talk about they're connected they're aligned

[00:21:28] so when I talked about building a foundation figuring out who you are if you're conditional if you're unconditional figuring out what your core values are all of these philosophies are a roadmap and a guide to solutions so in order to become so far away of your actions

[00:21:45] you have to actually know who you are and you have to know what triggers you you have to know your habits your tendencies and identify why you respond to things the way that you do so you have to do real work to understand yourself

[00:22:01] and once you do that then now you can get to a place where you can start collaborating with your partner with your family with your friends and you can make some real changes together but it all starts with you as the individual

[00:22:16] and I would be remiss if I didn't say that it is very important to surround yourself with like-minded individuals who hold themselves accountable because I'm telling you right now when you do that in a work and you are holding yourself to a higher standard

[00:22:30] and holding yourself accountable for your own actions if you continue to surround yourself with people who don't do that there is a high likelihood that they may influence you so be aware of that and there is a lot of power and surrounding ourselves with like-minded individuals

[00:22:47] but so many of us don't do that and this leads to stagnation it leads to a lack of growth and when you're communicating with those whose core values no longer align with your core values now there's potential for you to be triggered

[00:23:02] they can just pull you right back to where you were before so once you start surrounding yourself with people who are like-minded then when you collaborate with them and I'm not talking about the difficulty level of it but if we appreciate the process it's a beautiful thing

[00:23:18] so if you take the time to talk to your partner your family your friends and you become more aware of your actions and how they affect others then it's going to lead to development and maturation which in turn leads to trust amongst those around you

[00:23:32] because when the people around you see that you are responsible for your own actions that builds a great deal of trust now the people around you may say yo he holds himself accountable she holds herself accountable

[00:23:45] so now they know that there are no more excuses on your end and they also know that you will hold them accountable for their actions as well there's no suspicion there's no doubt there's confidence there and trust becomes an afterthought

[00:23:59] because your actions prove that time and time again and remember don't just only look to have meaningful conversations when you're emotional when you're upset and when you have a negative arguments many of us have a tendency to want to have meaningful conversations during conflict

[00:24:18] and I will say that if you are able to have meaningful conversations during arguments or when you're very passionate or during conflict and you're able to combat your emotions with logic then that's dope because personally I do know how to do that and that's a skill but

[00:24:39] you have to be able to do that with someone else that is going to reciprocate the same thing back to you so A if you know how to do it and it's a skill for you then find somebody else that will reciprocate that or B

[00:24:54] you don't know how to do that at all is not a party of repertoire then my advice is stay away from that please because if you don't stay away from that then it leads to nothing but dysfunction for real so instead

[00:25:13] let's have conversations with the people that we love and the people that are important to us on a regular basis let's make this communication business as usual when emotions are not running high and holding yourself accountable is not just from a negative perspective right

[00:25:30] for things that we do wrong holding yourself accountable could be for things that we do right in the positive that we put in the world so taking account for that too so assess your regular behaviors not only when it leads to conflict or problems that is important

[00:25:47] 100% assess that type of behavior but also assess your behaviors that lead to happiness that leads to peace that leads to healthy companionship and meditate on that because that shows that you have the ability to do it it's not just reflecting on a negative it's reflecting on

[00:26:07] all of our actions and life period but the foundational peace is the accountability which we are not equating to trying to change your personality completely changing yourself for someone else no that's not what we're talking about y'all know that I don't even believe in that type of stuff

[00:26:26] that's trash B that's basura so before I get out of here I want to say that regardless if you were taught to take accountability for your actions or not we have to be able to humble ourselves and understand that we are adults that are engaging in childlike behavior

[00:26:44] and that may be a tough pill to swallow and that may be hard to hear but if it looks like a duck swims like a duck and quacks like a duck then it probably is a duck nah, but I'm serious y'all I'm serious if we're seeking real progress

[00:27:00] and real growth then we have to be honest with ourselves so if you do have an open mind and you're ready to throw the excuses out of the window and own up to your actions then come take this walk with me

[00:27:13] and now I welcome you to a land of accountability where every step you take everywhere you look you see it is right in front of you and you even play a part in it you surround yourself with it every day like-minded individuals

[00:27:28] who not only hold themselves accountable for their actions but they hold you accountable as well so hopefully all of y'all will be making this land your permanent home and I guarantee that once you learn to take accountability you can start to have control of your life

[00:27:43] and manifest aspirations in a way that you didn't think was possible which in turn leads to you becoming the best versions of yourselves and I don't know about child but getting rid of that childlike mentality and learning to own up to your actions and hold yourself accountable well

[00:28:00] that's just another path to a life that's worth living I'm your host Jay Smoove and you just listen to the life unexamined it's not worth living and I'm outta here Peace