J-Smoove takes his audience on a journey to a world where we say what we mean and mean what we say. A world where what we say is actually what it means. A world where understanding and agreement are no longer used interchangeably or synonymously. He makes it very clear that this isn't just an exercise of semantics. No, this is about a life of examination and critical observation. He explains that both of these terms aren't idle words, but have real meaning and power that can have lasting adverse affects on our relationhips.
J-Smoove challenges his audience to be humble and honest with themselves and truly reflect on the message that is being conveyed.
In this episode, you'll learn:
- The importance of differentiating between understanding and agreement
- About the power of using both understanding and agreement erroneously and the impact it can have on all types of relationships
- How to stop using understanding and agreement synonymously
- How agreeing with individuals doesn't necessarily equate to understanding them
- That we are able to agree/disagree while still having a full understanding
[00:00:00] Are you annoyed and frustrated because your foundation isn't strong?
[00:00:03] Oh man, are you stressed out and have a headache due to you struggling to figure out who you are?
[00:00:09] Ow!
[00:00:10] Is your brain going in circles trying to decipher if you're conditional or unconditional?
[00:00:15] I'm so dizzy!
[00:00:16] Are you mentally exhausted from the exercise of figuring out what your core values are?
[00:00:21] Huh, huh, ooh!
[00:00:23] Man, I'm so tired!
[00:00:25] Well if all of this sounds like you,
[00:00:28] I have the perfect solution!
[00:00:38] Keep listening to The Life Unexamined Is Not Worth Living.
[00:00:42] Ha!
[00:01:18] Yo, what's goody?
[00:01:20] I'm your host J-Smoove and welcome to The Life Unexamined Is Not Worth Living
[00:01:24] and we are on Episode 6,
[00:01:26] Understanding Does Not Equal Agreement.
[00:01:29] Now before I get started, you all can find me on Spotify and Apple
[00:01:33] and there only y'all can follow and subscribe to my podcast.
[00:01:37] Also, I ask that you please take the time out to leave me both a rating and a review.
[00:01:41] Follow me on IG at The underscore life underscore unexamined underscore podcast
[00:01:51] and there I'll be sharing some video content of me discussing various topics that I talk about on my episodes during the week
[00:01:58] and I'll also be sharing my words of the day to keep y'all actively thinking.
[00:02:02] And please visit my website examineourlives.com where you can find information about my podcast,
[00:02:08] information about myself, you can find information about guests that I have on my episodes,
[00:02:13] I have some blogs that I'm putting together as well
[00:02:16] and if you want to reach out to me, you can hit me up on my website,
[00:02:19] any suggestions, feedback, any questions that you may have,
[00:02:23] please don't hesitate to ask.
[00:02:25] If the basics are easier for y'all, you can also leave me a voice message on my website
[00:02:29] and who knows, I may end up playing a message on one of my episodes with your consent of course.
[00:02:35] Alright, so let's get back to business.
[00:02:38] So if y'all have any inkling of a thought that I'm going to give you out of definitions of understanding an agreement,
[00:02:43] well you would be correct.
[00:02:45] That's exactly what I'm going to do.
[00:02:47] Absolutely that's what I'm going to do.
[00:02:49] We got to start with the basics.
[00:02:51] We got to start with the foundation and then we can move along to examination and more profound thoughts.
[00:02:58] And if y'all thinking to yourselves, man I know what understanding means,
[00:03:01] man I know what agreement means, I don't need to hail all of this.
[00:03:05] Well that's how you feel, tuck that pride in and still listen anyway.
[00:03:11] We have to humble ourselves and start from the beginning.
[00:03:14] When we get stuck and we're out of standstill, go back to the basics,
[00:03:19] go back to the beginning, go back to the foundation.
[00:03:22] And I know y'all have heard me say this ad nauseam,
[00:03:24] and y'all are going to continue to hear me say this throughout my podcast.
[00:03:27] And this isn't just a semantics conversation, I want to make that very clear.
[00:03:31] This is not just about semantics and about oh this is the definition of this word
[00:03:36] and this is the definition of this word and this is how they differ.
[00:03:39] Yeah that's a basic way of understanding it,
[00:03:41] but I'm going to expound upon that and get into the nitty gritty.
[00:03:45] So many people use the words understanding and agreement synonymously
[00:03:49] and interchangeably and it leads to confusion, frustration, annoyance, anger, repetitive arguments
[00:03:56] and I can keep going on and on but I'm here to remedy and ease that.
[00:04:00] So the definition of understanding is a mental grasp,
[00:04:03] the power of comprehending, the power to make experience intelligible
[00:04:07] by applying concepts and categories.
[00:04:10] So that sounds simple enough right?
[00:04:13] It does, but for some odd reason and at least for me and I don't know if y'all can relate
[00:04:18] I'm pretty sure that many y'all can relate,
[00:04:20] but I've heard this over and over again in my life.
[00:04:23] Yo man you don't understand, you don't understand me, nah you just don't understand.
[00:04:28] And I sit here and I ponder and I really think about that
[00:04:31] because I've heard that throughout my life.
[00:04:33] I've heard so many people say that to others.
[00:04:36] I've had people have conversations with me about others telling me that
[00:04:40] oh they don't understand me.
[00:04:42] And it really got me to think, do these people really not understand you?
[00:04:46] Am I really not understanding people?
[00:04:48] Am I really not understanding what's going on?
[00:04:51] That's what I started asking myself.
[00:04:53] So I looked up the definition of what understanding was.
[00:04:56] This is like a long time ago, like many many many years ago.
[00:04:59] And I realized that people were just not using this word correctly.
[00:05:03] And the one thing that my mother always taught me was to understand all sides
[00:05:07] and all perspectives.
[00:05:08] And not just think about things from your own perspective.
[00:05:11] Don't let personal bias or agreement or disagreement get in the way with true understanding.
[00:05:18] I go out of my way to examine that.
[00:05:20] I'm very thorough with that.
[00:05:22] So when I keep hearing but you don't understand,
[00:05:24] that's when I started to say to myself,
[00:05:26] are you saying that I don't understand
[00:05:28] or are you telling me that I don't agree with you?
[00:05:30] Because the two of those are not equivalent.
[00:05:32] They don't mean the same thing.
[00:05:34] And I want to make it clear that misunderstanding is a real thing.
[00:05:36] I don't want you all to be led to believe that I'm saying that people don't misunderstand things.
[00:05:40] Of course we do.
[00:05:41] We all misunderstand things.
[00:05:43] Even for an example, when we used to be in school,
[00:05:45] when we were in math class, there were equations, fractions, certain math problems,
[00:05:50] some of the advanced math classes.
[00:05:52] It could be confusing.
[00:05:53] You know what I'm saying?
[00:05:54] And we lack understanding.
[00:05:56] And I know for me personally, yeah, math was a migrated subject.
[00:05:59] I had to put in a lot of extra work to be good at math.
[00:06:03] Especially like more of the advanced math.
[00:06:05] Like basic math is easy.
[00:06:06] But things like English, reasoning skills, all of that.
[00:06:10] Yeah, I did that stuff easily.
[00:06:12] That was nothing.
[00:06:13] Even as adults, there are things that we don't understand.
[00:06:17] That's legit.
[00:06:18] There's concepts.
[00:06:19] There's ideas.
[00:06:20] So much in a world that we don't understand so much that we do.
[00:06:24] But I just wanted to make that very clear.
[00:06:26] But what I am saying is that saying that you don't understand has turned into part of me.
[00:06:32] To be honest with y'all, I'm going to be honest with y'all.
[00:06:35] That word is used so much like filler that it steams my broccoli, yo.
[00:06:42] And I got to go off on a tangent real quick because me even using that terminology of it steams my broccoli
[00:06:49] is actually from a video game that I played when I was younger called Animal Crossing back in the day.
[00:06:56] And it was like this female character that when I would like walk around the town,
[00:07:00] I would do stuff on purpose to annoy her.
[00:07:03] So she would say, you're steaming my broccoli and like steam would like come out of her head and all of that.
[00:07:08] So I always found that joint funny.
[00:07:09] So since I was younger, I would say that.
[00:07:11] And people will look at me and say, yo, what are you talking about?
[00:07:15] You know what I mean?
[00:07:17] So I basically looked at it as like, it must be the same as like you're grinding my gears,
[00:07:22] like all of that stuff and how I was raised, how I grew up where I grew up.
[00:07:26] We don't talk like that.
[00:07:27] But I definitely got it from that video game.
[00:07:29] That's 100% facts.
[00:07:31] But I digress.
[00:07:32] I just wanted to say that that term of you don't understand is just used so much is used incorrectly,
[00:07:40] especially when it comes to our day-to-day lives, our personal lives, our business lives, our relationships.
[00:07:48] It just doesn't fit.
[00:07:49] And for those that are saying, ah, it doesn't matter.
[00:07:51] This is just words.
[00:07:53] Yeah, you're arguing semantics.
[00:07:55] No, I'm not.
[00:07:56] And words do matter because that's how we articulate ourselves.
[00:08:00] That's how we express ourselves.
[00:08:01] So let's use it correctly.
[00:08:03] Let's have context.
[00:08:05] Let's have understanding and also put much thought into what was saying before we speak.
[00:08:13] And I'm going to get into that right now.
[00:08:16] So let's use an example of two female friends, one named Jessica, the other named Lisa.
[00:08:20] And Jessica is dating this new guy.
[00:08:22] She just met him.
[00:08:23] They've gone on a few dates and Lisa has met him once as well.
[00:08:26] So they're having a conversation and Lisa tells Jessica, I don't really think that he's a good fit for you.
[00:08:31] I don't really like his personality like that.
[00:08:33] I don't like the way that he talks to you.
[00:08:35] I think he's kind of rude.
[00:08:36] I don't know if he's going to work for you.
[00:08:39] So Jessica says, you know, I understand what you're saying.
[00:08:41] Jessica gives her perspective and she understands Lisa's perspective.
[00:08:45] And she says, you know, I'll take heed to your advice and we'll see what happens.
[00:08:49] So weeks go on and Jessica is still seeing this guy on a consistent basis.
[00:08:53] And she definitely was thinking about everything that Lisa said to her, but she's just not seeing the same thing.
[00:08:58] She likes the guy's personality.
[00:08:59] She doesn't think that he's rude like that.
[00:09:01] And she thinks that his personality is compatible with us.
[00:09:04] So she has to sit down with Lisa and she tells her, hey, I've been going out with this guy on a consistent basis and we're really connecting.
[00:09:10] So Lisa gets upset and she says, what do you mean you've been going out with him consistently?
[00:09:15] And Jessica says, yeah, we're seeing each other like we have a great time with each other.
[00:09:20] We really connect.
[00:09:21] So then Lisa says, what are you talking about?
[00:09:23] Why would you do that?
[00:09:24] I don't get it.
[00:09:25] Did you not understand what I was saying to you before?
[00:09:28] So Jessica says, yeah, I understood what you said.
[00:09:31] But we're not on the same page when it comes to that.
[00:09:34] But in Lisa's mind, she said, nah, Jessica, you don't understand me because if you understood me, then you wouldn't continue to go out with this guy.
[00:09:43] And Jessica just looks at her dumbfounded and saying, yes, I do understand what you're saying.
[00:09:49] You made yourself very clear.
[00:09:51] I just don't agree with you.
[00:09:53] So let's pause.
[00:09:54] This is a common example of what I'm talking about.
[00:09:58] So in that example, Lisa is telling Jessica that she doesn't understand her because she's not agreeing with her.
[00:10:04] Not because she doesn't understand her perspective.
[00:10:07] She does understand her perspective.
[00:10:09] She just doesn't share her opinion.
[00:10:11] She understands that she thinks that he's rude.
[00:10:13] She understands that she thinks that his personality doesn't work with us.
[00:10:16] She gets all of that.
[00:10:18] But she doesn't agree.
[00:10:19] But to Lisa, she equates understanding with agreement.
[00:10:24] And what that really sounds like is Lisa's looking for validation of Huff feelings of Huff thoughts.
[00:10:30] She wants Jessica to agree with her and validate her.
[00:10:34] Tell her that she's right, that he is rude, that his personality doesn't work for her.
[00:10:38] That everything that she said was correct.
[00:10:40] And what was she thinking?
[00:10:41] But she doesn't agree.
[00:10:42] And there's an arrogance that comes with that.
[00:10:44] There's an arrogance that comes with thinking that our opinion is correct.
[00:10:48] Thinking that what we think is most fitting.
[00:10:51] That because I love you and I care about you, that I have to be right.
[00:10:55] That you have to agree with me.
[00:10:57] That my opinions stand above yours even though you don't agree with me.
[00:11:02] And you give me sound and logical reasons why you don't agree.
[00:11:06] Well no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
[00:11:08] You just got to understand me.
[00:11:09] You got to listen.
[00:11:11] Because the reason why you disagree is because you lack understanding.
[00:11:15] Fallacious arguments like that.
[00:11:17] That's a fallacy.
[00:11:18] Lack of agreement does not equate to lack of understanding.
[00:11:23] Does this sound familiar to y'all?
[00:11:25] No seriously, does this sound familiar to y'all?
[00:11:28] Because it sounds very familiar to me.
[00:11:29] I've experienced this throughout my life.
[00:11:32] I don't think that people have a full comprehension of the differences
[00:11:35] between understanding and agreement.
[00:11:38] It's a problem.
[00:11:39] It really is a problem.
[00:11:40] And I'll use myself as an example.
[00:11:42] I've never had a problem differentiating understanding with agreement.
[00:11:46] Case in point, I like to understand how people's brain works.
[00:11:49] I like to understand why people do the things that they do
[00:11:52] what makes them tick.
[00:11:53] And I mean all types of people.
[00:11:55] There could be serial killers, murderers, thieves.
[00:11:59] I mean some of the most heinous things you could think about.
[00:12:03] I think about those things.
[00:12:05] And not because I want to do any of that.
[00:12:07] Not.
[00:12:08] But I just want to understand like what goes through your mind
[00:12:10] when you can get to a place like that where you can commit those type of acts.
[00:12:14] And my family and my friends would say like, oh yo, you're sick man.
[00:12:17] Like why do you want to learn about that?
[00:12:20] I teach myself to have the capacity to comprehend all things.
[00:12:23] Doesn't mean that I will comprehend all things.
[00:12:25] But I teach myself to be that way.
[00:12:27] To be open.
[00:12:28] They're people just like us.
[00:12:30] So we all have the ability to fall subject to anything.
[00:12:33] And it doesn't have to be heinous behavior like that.
[00:12:35] I was just using that as an example.
[00:12:37] But I'm able to disagree with the actions and still understand.
[00:12:41] And that's something that I've realized that a lot of people have a hard time doing.
[00:12:45] So with the examples that I just gave, many of us don't like thinking about that
[00:12:49] because it makes us feel uncomfortable.
[00:12:51] We don't agree with it.
[00:12:52] And it may go against our moral compass.
[00:12:54] So we don't care to understand others.
[00:12:57] A lot of us don't want to understand people that commit crimes.
[00:13:00] We don't care to understand what somebody is going through.
[00:13:03] I mean just think about low income communities.
[00:13:05] Communities that are entrenched in poverty.
[00:13:08] How many times have you heard, oh just pull up your bootstrap
[00:13:10] and just do what you gotta do and work hard and you'll get out of your situation?
[00:13:14] Yeah that's not how it works for everybody.
[00:13:16] The resources are not the same.
[00:13:18] The help is not the same.
[00:13:20] The education is not the same.
[00:13:22] The family structure is not the same.
[00:13:24] And don't even get me started on the government side of it
[00:13:27] and how it was designed to be that way.
[00:13:30] How drugs and guns were put into the community
[00:13:33] to destroy the family structure.
[00:13:35] And how the prison system is a business
[00:13:37] and is designed to put people in prison
[00:13:40] but not rehabilitate them
[00:13:42] but just continue to make them worse.
[00:13:44] They go to prison, they become more animalistic,
[00:13:46] they come out, they're not a living society
[00:13:48] then they go right back in
[00:13:50] and the cycle continues.
[00:13:52] And I want to make myself very clear when I say that
[00:13:54] this is not a lack of accountability
[00:13:56] because we're all accountable for our actions 100%.
[00:13:59] But when you go back to the foundation
[00:14:01] to understand why things are the way that they are
[00:14:03] oh I have a true understanding of that.
[00:14:05] So I, you know, I'm going a little bit too deep right now
[00:14:10] and for those who know, yeah I know.
[00:14:13] And I don't want to get into all of that
[00:14:15] because what I'm talking about deserves an episode on its own
[00:14:17] and I'm doing it in justice by talking about it so vaguely
[00:14:20] and not going deep into it.
[00:14:22] So I digress with that.
[00:14:24] But I originally brought up those examples to exhibit to y'all
[00:14:27] that in order to understand somebody
[00:14:29] you don't have to agree with them.
[00:14:31] You could vehemently disagree with somebody
[00:14:34] but that doesn't mean that you can't understand them
[00:14:37] and I believe that everybody could be understood
[00:14:39] no matter what you do, no matter what you say
[00:14:41] there's understanding for everything
[00:14:43] there's a reason why we all do what we do, period.
[00:14:46] So now let's move on to agreement
[00:14:48] and according to Merriam-Webs' definition of agreement is
[00:14:52] harmony of opinion, action or character
[00:14:55] the act or fact of agreeing
[00:14:58] to concur in, admit or concede
[00:15:01] now on its own it's pretty straightforward
[00:15:03] and simple to understand what this word means
[00:15:05] but when we use this word in reference to understanding
[00:15:08] that's when things can get a little bit tricky
[00:15:11] and I want to start by talking about a group of people
[00:15:14] that I call the double Dutch bunch
[00:15:16] and y'all know these people really well
[00:15:18] so you know like when you're having a conversation with somebody
[00:15:20] and you're expressing different ideas, thoughts, complaints
[00:15:24] it could be a conversation about anything
[00:15:26] but while you're doing that
[00:15:28] the person on the other end is just waiting for they turn
[00:15:32] they're just waiting to jump in
[00:15:34] they're waiting to speak their mind
[00:15:36] they're waiting to rebuttal what you're saying
[00:15:38] they're looking to win an argument
[00:15:40] with no desire to truly understand you
[00:15:43] or they may not even rebuttal what you're saying
[00:15:45] they're just looking to talk
[00:15:47] they may say something to you that has no reference
[00:15:49] to anything that you expressed at all
[00:15:51] and they want you to understand them
[00:15:54] or quote-unquote understand them
[00:15:57] but they really want you to agree with them
[00:15:59] so they just want to say everything that they want
[00:16:01] and they want you to agree with them
[00:16:03] and this is the behavior that I call double Dutch
[00:16:06] when I was younger, when I used to watch girls play double Dutch
[00:16:09] it'll be a person on one end
[00:16:11] then another person on the other end
[00:16:13] and then you have the person that's waiting to jump in right
[00:16:15] so as the ropes are going up and down
[00:16:17] that person in the middle is doing that stance
[00:16:20] when they sway back and forth
[00:16:22] yeah I know what I'm talking about
[00:16:24] but they're waiting for their chance to jump in
[00:16:26] and then when they jump in and they go crazy right
[00:16:28] they start jumping and skipping and one leg up
[00:16:32] doing all types of crazy stuff right
[00:16:34] they start getting excited
[00:16:36] you know what I'm saying like they having a good time
[00:16:38] and they do all of that for as long as they can
[00:16:41] before their foot hits the rope
[00:16:43] and then they got to start all over again
[00:16:45] and that's what these types of people do in conversations
[00:16:47] they're looking to jump in
[00:16:49] they're looking to
[00:16:51] oh I'm about to go crazy now
[00:16:53] oh you done talking now, you finished?
[00:16:55] okay I'm about to talk
[00:16:57] and I want you to agree with every single thing that I'm saying
[00:16:59] I don't know what you're talking about
[00:17:01] I'm not even listening to what you're talking about
[00:17:03] but I'm laser focused on my thoughts
[00:17:05] and what I have to say
[00:17:07] and you need to agree
[00:17:09] so when they're done unloading their opinion on you
[00:17:11] which they deem to be facts
[00:17:13] can't forget to say that
[00:17:15] because they think their opinions are facts
[00:17:18] so when they're finished talking that's the equivalent
[00:17:20] of when their foot hits the rope
[00:17:22] and then the game resets
[00:17:24] and then you pick up right where you were before
[00:17:26] and you go back to that stance again
[00:17:28] and you just waitin
[00:17:30] you just waitin to jump back in again
[00:17:32] and go crazy
[00:17:34] and that's what I call these types of conversations
[00:17:36] it's a game of double dutch
[00:17:38] now does this universal game of double dutch
[00:17:40] sound familiar to all of y'all
[00:17:42] it should but if not
[00:17:44] count yourselves blessed
[00:17:47] so earlier I said that understanding doesn't equal agreement
[00:17:50] well agreement doesn't equal understanding
[00:17:52] just think about a husband and wife relationship
[00:17:55] and I know that y'all have heard this before
[00:17:57] so you know when God say happy wife happy life
[00:18:00] so there's a lot that goes into that
[00:18:03] but essentially
[00:18:05] in relationships like that
[00:18:07] the man is basically saying that
[00:18:09] as long as his wife is happy he's happy
[00:18:11] he doesn't want to hear a mouth
[00:18:13] he doesn't want to hear a complain
[00:18:15] but in a relationship like that you can easily have
[00:18:18] situations where a wife is voicing her displeasure
[00:18:21] and sharing her opinion with her husband
[00:18:23] and he just agrees with her
[00:18:25] and he's not really thinking about anything that she's saying
[00:18:27] he just wants her to shut up
[00:18:29] so he doesn't really understand her at all
[00:18:31] doesn't care to understand her
[00:18:33] it doesn't matter
[00:18:35] he just wants her to stop talking so he just says
[00:18:37] oh yeah baby I agree
[00:18:39] I agree no problem
[00:18:41] and that just becomes a common theme within their relationship
[00:18:43] so that's an example of somebody agreeing
[00:18:45] but not understanding by any stretch of the imagination
[00:18:48] and this is typical behavior when it comes to appeasing anyone
[00:18:51] when you just want to keep somebody quiet
[00:18:54] you don't want to get into it with them
[00:18:56] you don't want conflict
[00:18:57] you agree with them you appease them
[00:18:59] but the receiver could look at your actions and say
[00:19:01] oh okay yo they really understand me
[00:19:04] we're fully in sync and we're on the same page
[00:19:06] they agree with everything that I'm saying
[00:19:08] that's what the receiver could think
[00:19:10] but in all actuality that person may or may not understand you
[00:19:13] you don't know
[00:19:14] but see this is what I'm talking about
[00:19:16] we're using these words interchangeably
[00:19:18] and they don't mean the same thing
[00:19:20] and there's a lot of assumptions that are going on as well
[00:19:23] because unless you ask that person
[00:19:25] and of course they could lie
[00:19:27] but unless you ask that person
[00:19:29] you don't know if that person truly understands what you're saying at all
[00:19:33] you're just assuming that
[00:19:34] because they agree
[00:19:35] and that's why when people tell me that they agree what I'm saying
[00:19:38] I personally ask them why do they agree
[00:19:41] I ask them if they understand what I'm saying
[00:19:43] I want to have a real understanding of why you agree with me
[00:19:47] because if you're appeasing me
[00:19:50] I don't care for any of that crap that's BS to me
[00:19:53] I don't want to be appeased by anybody
[00:19:55] but I do care to be understood especially by my loved ones
[00:19:58] and people that I truly care about
[00:20:00] but agreement man I
[00:20:02] that's not really something that I care about
[00:20:05] whether you agree or disagree with me
[00:20:08] is pretty much irrelevant
[00:20:09] because we all have opinions
[00:20:11] and understanding Trump's all of that for me
[00:20:13] but don't get it twisted
[00:20:14] because I used to be one of those people that believed that my opinions were facts
[00:20:18] and that what I said was the truth
[00:20:21] and I thought very highly of my way of thinking
[00:20:24] and I still do
[00:20:25] but I wanted everybody to understand me
[00:20:28] and agree with me
[00:20:29] I was going to convince anybody in that room
[00:20:32] that oh I'm correct
[00:20:33] and y'all better agree with me
[00:20:35] but as I got older and wiser
[00:20:38] and humbled myself
[00:20:39] I understood that use of manipulation tactics
[00:20:41] to get people to agree with me
[00:20:43] nah, that's my soda
[00:20:45] that didn't fit my life anymore
[00:20:47] so thinking that agreement has to equal
[00:20:49] understanding
[00:20:50] and that disagreement has to equal misunderstanding
[00:20:53] that's just fallacious y'all
[00:20:55] it just is
[00:20:56] and like I said earlier
[00:20:58] I am not just talking about
[00:21:01] semantics
[00:21:03] but this mentality is what can get us into a lot of trouble
[00:21:06] and I'ma get into all of that
[00:21:08] so we live in a world where it seems like
[00:21:10] so many people are misunderstood
[00:21:12] and there is validity to that
[00:21:13] there are a lot of people in this world who are misunderstood
[00:21:16] and if this pertains to any of us personally
[00:21:18] then we all need to do a better job of understanding others
[00:21:21] but as I spoke about earlier
[00:21:23] some of that population does contain people who are understood
[00:21:26] but people may disagree with them
[00:21:28] and I think that we all need to get to a point in our lives
[00:21:31] to understand that people may agree
[00:21:33] or disagree with us
[00:21:35] and that our opinions are just that
[00:21:38] opinions
[00:21:39] and we don't have to be on our high horse
[00:21:41] and believe that everything that we say
[00:21:43] is the truth
[00:21:44] and that, well
[00:21:46] I'm thinking about this logically
[00:21:48] it's reasonable
[00:21:49] so you need to agree with me
[00:21:51] fam
[00:21:52] it doesn't have to work that way
[00:21:54] I mean yes
[00:21:56] what you're saying could be reasonable
[00:21:58] it could be logical
[00:21:59] but that doesn't equate to somebody having to agree with you
[00:22:02] and a lot of this leads to the same arguments
[00:22:05] the repetition is absolutely insane
[00:22:08] and there's just a bunch of people saying
[00:22:10] you don't understand me
[00:22:11] you don't get me
[00:22:13] you don't get it
[00:22:14] but you have to look within yourself
[00:22:16] and face the reality that not
[00:22:17] they really do understand you
[00:22:19] they do get it
[00:22:20] they do get you
[00:22:21] but that doesn't mean that they have to agree with you
[00:22:23] disagreement doesn't equate to misunderstanding
[00:22:26] this should always be a safe place for all of us to disagree
[00:22:29] and not have the same continuous arguments about it
[00:22:32] and I can't for the life of me understand
[00:22:34] why people have such a hang up with others agreeing with them
[00:22:37] or disagreeing with them
[00:22:39] I really don't understand it
[00:22:41] ah, see?
[00:22:43] you hear that?
[00:22:44] did you all people what I just did?
[00:22:46] I just did what a lot of us do
[00:22:48] I said that I don't understand why people have a problem
[00:22:50] with others agreeing and disagreeing with them
[00:22:52] I don't get it
[00:22:53] well that's a lie
[00:22:54] because I actually do understand it
[00:22:56] people want others to agree with them
[00:22:58] because it validates them
[00:23:00] it validates what they think
[00:23:02] it validates what they feel
[00:23:03] it creates harmony
[00:23:05] it can create peace
[00:23:06] it doesn't cause strife
[00:23:08] and division
[00:23:09] or it simply comes down to someone just wanting to win the argument
[00:23:12] and be right
[00:23:13] so yeah
[00:23:14] I 100% have an understanding why people want to be agreed with
[00:23:18] and why they don't want others to disagree with them
[00:23:20] oh I get it
[00:23:21] I understand
[00:23:22] I just don't agree with it for my life
[00:23:24] you get it
[00:23:25] that's the point
[00:23:26] but what I just did
[00:23:28] is what a bunch of us do all the time
[00:23:31] because we have such strong thoughts and points of view
[00:23:34] anything that opposes that
[00:23:36] we just choke it up to
[00:23:37] nope, don't understand
[00:23:39] I don't understand
[00:23:40] and if someone gives you any type of pushback
[00:23:42] and they disagree with you
[00:23:44] once again
[00:23:45] you choke it up to
[00:23:46] nope, y'all don't understand me
[00:23:48] but in all actuality
[00:23:50] you do understand
[00:23:51] and they do understand
[00:23:53] now in the cases where you truly don't understand someone
[00:23:56] and they truly don't understand you
[00:23:58] that's fine
[00:23:59] that's life
[00:24:00] it happens
[00:24:01] and in those scenarios
[00:24:02] that's when you gotta put in the records of your work
[00:24:04] to understand someone
[00:24:06] and vice versa
[00:24:07] but most of the time I'm telling you
[00:24:08] I have conversations with people
[00:24:10] and I ask them
[00:24:11] and I say wait
[00:24:12] so you're having difficulty comprehending the logic behind what someone is saying
[00:24:16] or are you just saying that you don't agree
[00:24:18] and when I ask that
[00:24:20] yeah, eventually the truth comes out
[00:24:22] but it's so easy for us to use that
[00:24:24] understanding word
[00:24:26] incorrectly
[00:24:27] so we need to think about these words
[00:24:29] and how we use them
[00:24:30] these aren't just idle words
[00:24:32] they have meaning
[00:24:33] they have power
[00:24:34] and it's not just about acknowledging the semantics
[00:24:37] but realizing how our words are being received
[00:24:40] you may be giving somebody a message that is incorrect
[00:24:42] and it's not even the truth
[00:24:43] and all due to faulty logic and reasoning
[00:24:45] and as I spoke about before
[00:24:47] this can have major ramifications
[00:24:49] and all of this makes me think about the old adage
[00:24:52] say what you mean
[00:24:54] and mean what you say
[00:24:55] yeah, I do everything within my power to live by that every day
[00:24:58] but
[00:24:59] what if what you say
[00:25:00] isn't actually what it means
[00:25:02] hmm
[00:25:03] that's interesting
[00:25:05] meditate on that
[00:25:06] examine that
[00:25:07] and when you do that
[00:25:09] you'll be continuing along a path of a life
[00:25:11] that's worth
[00:25:12] living
[00:25:14] I'm your host Jay Smoove
[00:25:16] and you just listen to the life unexamined
[00:25:18] is not worth living
[00:25:20] and I'm out of here
[00:25:22] peace